For Ladies Wot Brunch

March 25th was special for 2 reasons: One, it marked the one month anniversary of our faaabulous trip to Paris and two, it was the date of our March meeting: a meeting with a twist.  Now we usually meet up on Saturday as it’s the perfect prelude to the weekend, but this time I thought it would be nice to switch it up and meet on a glorious Sunday afternoon instead.  The venue chosen was Harvey Nichols’ famous Fifth Floor Restaurant in the heart of Knightsbridge, London.

Booking

Booking on this occasion should have been straight forward, but unfortunately ended up being sticky tricky.  Being the organised person that I am, once the date was confirmed, I wanted to book the restaurant as early as possible to avoid disappointment and first booked the restaurant a month in advance.  The reservation was made via TopTable and my confirmation email came through a day later.  HOWEVER for some reason unbeknown to me, the reservation was cancelled.  Between TopTable and Harvey Nichols, there was an apparent miscommunication and in the end I had to go directly to the restaurant myself to secure the booking and arrange the deposit.  Note to self: if you need something done, Do It Yaself!

Gist!

As ever, whenever we get together, we’re bound to have hilarious conversation.  Our new Ladies who joined us for Afternoon Tea brought a refreshing outlook to the group and introduced some new remixed vocabulary such as having a “discerning descending spirit” (I can’t shouuut!), whilst our existing members continued to have us in stitches of laughter.  Here are some of the things discussed:

Bedmatics!  Yes BEDMATICS aka the mathematics of the BEDROOM!  Please don’t readjust your screen, this is now a real and official Brunch Club term!  We were told about a friend who was having her final send off to her husband’s household after the wedding ceremony, a tradition in Nigerian culture.  As the bride sat in her husband’s family home and listened to the pearls of wisdom being bestowed upon her from a female elder, there was one particularly heavy pearl which landed with full force:  “…And if your husband wants to sleep with you, don’t deny him access o!  Give him all the bedmatics necessary!”  At this point, we burst into fits of laughter, and had to catch our breath before we were able to receive the broken down definition of bedmatics.  So, what are bedmatics??

Well it turns out that women from Calabar in Southeast Nigeria have the gift of the goodies and know exactly how to turn the heat up in the bedroom.  Fascinating!  And if care is not taken, and conjugal gymnastics are not performed for the said husbands, the common (but not absolute) notion is that there is a Calabar lady ready to funk it up on the wife’s behalf.  As the saying goes, anything you can do, I can do better and whilst we may be classy Ladies Wot Brunch, we’re not too stuck up to learn new tricks and have since put out adverts for Calabar Ladies to teach us de ting!

Commitment Rings make the difference: Rings are of course a big deal in the group and one our lovely Ladies who is also married was giving us the low down.  Being on point with her bling bling swag, she discussed the importance of her rings.  Before she got married, she was given a commitment ring and we were told it made such a diference.  After an argument, when things looked bleak, she’d look down at the ring and think “if we were married, what would I do?”  If her and her other half came to loggerheads and they both wanted to just go their separate ways, she’d glance at her ring and again ask “would this be enough of a reason to call it a day?”  Even after trivial things such as him leaving the toilet seat up, she’d chuckle whilst eyeing her ring and ask, “would I divorce him over this?”  And in all cases, the resounding answer was no.  The commitment ring proved to be a symbol of patience and unity, something which is so important for both courting and married couples.  It was food for thought.  Ladies (and gents) make sure you apply patience and really take the time to think things out thoroughly in your relationships from here on out…

My Bride Price is STILL high!  Sunday was absolutely stunning and as we slinkily stepped out of the restaurant we thought it would be a waste to end the day there.  So we went to the Jumeirah Carlton Tower hotel nearby for some post tea drinks.  As we walked in, one of our effervescent Ladies said – and I quote – “if our Bride price is still high, someone will be buying our drinks for us today.”  We all laughed and left it there, seeing as chivalry in London is pretty much dead and the likelihood of this becoming a reality was slim.  We were seated, ordered our drinks, laughed and gisted as we sipped our cocktails and wine.  And when the time came, we asked for the bill and paid up, ready to leave, only to be approached by the waiter with the following message, “the gentleman across the way has offered to order you another round of drinks if you’d care to stay…”  HAAAA!  The said gentleman was completely inconspicuous and it was only when we did some investigation that we discovered who he was.  After thanking him and engaging in some light conversation, we discovered he was on a business trip from Canada and had been so riveted by our varied conversation, ranging from politics, to bedmatics(!) that he couldn’t bear for us to leave just yet and wanted the charming chatter to continue.  We of course happily obliged!  Cheers to you sir, you are a true gentleman!

Food

As you would expect, Afternoon Tea is a social pastime, bringing gorgeous Ladies together to catch up whilst nibbling on some light munchies which are designed to be eaten in a ladylike manner.  And so I was expecting to be greeted with an assortment of finger food, and nothing more.  To be honest, the sandwiches, cakes, pastries and scones by definition are finger food(!) but there was so much of it, that I was actually full!  Or maybe that was my motor mouth action which usurped my appetite?!

The general consensus was that the sandwiches were fine and varied, ranging from mini salmon and cream cheese sesame bagels to egg rolls, chocolate ganache and battenburg cake to plain and fruit scones served with clotted cream and exclusive Harvey Nichols preserve.  The vegetarian and cheese-free varieties were also very tasty.  However, the dishes which stole the show were the ones ordered from the á la carte menu.  Duck parfait and fish cakes – yummy!  We’ll definitely have to return and sample the á la carte menu robustly!

Service

We were greeted by our immaculately dressed hostess (her skin, dress and nails were stunning!) who ensured everything was done accordingly on the day.  From rearranging the tables to allow the large group of Ladies to sit together, to organising extra sandwiches free of charge for those of us with a heavier appetite, we were very pleased with the service rendered on the day.

Overall

The restaurant represents a piece of Knightbridge luxury, with large windows which allow you to bask in the glorious sunshine and phenomenal floral arrangements reminiscent of a private botanical garden.  The varied clientele was an added bonus: the gorgeous elderly guests were so sweet and complimentary to the group and the trendy young’uns joined us for a bit of afternoon banter.  As we roll deep wherever we go, we are always a focal point of the venue, and during the afternoon we were constantly asked what we were celebrating.  My response:

“Every day is a day worth celebrating!”

The winning factor of the day was being in the company of gorgeously dressed, witty women.  If we are to return, I think we’ll skip the Afternoon Tea and instead sample the á la carte menu.  But that said, whatever we eat, wherever we go, no doubt it will be a fun-filled, laughter infused time.  The Ladies Wot Brunch are a great bunch.  They’re amazing.  And a great group to have Afternoon Tea at Harvey Nichols with.  Fantastique!

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Tags: Afternoon Tea, Brunch, Fifth Floor Restaurant, harvey nichols, Jumeirah Carlton Hotel, Knightsbridge